The Roller Coaster ride of August: From Oh crap to Hell Yeah to My Heart Breaking

It's been a couple of weeks since I've sat down to write and have actually been able to make the words come. I've tried a few times to write a post but never got past the blinking cursor. It wasn't so much a writer's block as it was me still emotionally processing all that's gone on.

Let me start at the beginning with the Oh Crap... 

Kyla started her junior year of high school on August 14 by the next day she was having severe anxiety attacks. They were bad enough I got two different calls from the school.  At first, we hoped it was a side effect of the Accutane medication she was on but after having her stop it and giving it time to leave her system she was still having issues. During this process, she started talking about wanting to move back in with Jim and Julie (her bio-dad and step-mom). We discussed things, the pros and cons, what all it would entail, and so on. After a few days of discussing she decided she'd wait till next year to move.

With that hurdle passed I started focusing on ways to help her deal with the anxiety attacks she was having. We took her to the doctor, got her started on some medication to help control it, and I taught her some ways to help calm herself during these attacks. We decided, after many talks, that a lot of the issue was the sheer size of the student body. There are over 3,000 students in the high school alone, the campus looks like a small community college and it's crazy going from class to class.

Now let's move to the Hell Yeah...

So there we were, two and half weeks into school finally coming out the other side of the emotional rollercoaster ride that had us all on edge and we received some amazing news.

A little background first...

Mike works for Walmart ISD, he's a software developer. A few years ago the company was gracious enough to allow Mike to work remotely so we could move from Bentonville, AR back to Northeast Louisiana to be near Kyla and the rest of our family. This was done knowing it would severely impact his career as there was a cap on how far he could be promoted. 

Flash forward 6 1/2 years...

After years of giving a 110 %, many great evaluations, and sheer luck that the company has changed its policies regarding remote worker positions Mike was promoted to a manager position. This is something he always wanted but we honestly never thought would happen unless we moved back to Bentonville.

I am so very proud of my husband. He gave up a lot for me to move us back closer to my daughter for those pivotal years of her life and he did it with very little grumping.

Things were going so great then My Heart Broke...

The day after Mike's big promotion I was knocked over by more news. Up to this point, Kyla had been doing better, the medicine was making a noticeable difference and she seemed happy. Which is why it bowled me over when minutes from picking her up from school she told me she wanted to move in with her dad and swap schools now.

I really thought we'd made it past this hurdle and that I had a year to prep for my daughter leaving.

Y'all I'm not exaggerating when I say my heart broke. I knew there was no way I could stop her, she'll be 17 in just a few short days, which means she old enough to make this choice for herself. I might not agree with it but there was no logical reason for saying no. The school she wanted to swap too is a good one, her dad and step-mom are good people and while our parenting styles are different I have zero issues with her being there. But it was my baby, the little girl I'd left with her dad for the first eleven years of her life because it was the right thing to do, the big girl I moved my family for and welcomed with open arms and a weeping heart when she wanted to move in with us, the young lady I cried with as she struggled with being diagnosed with RP.

She told me this on a Friday by the next Wednesday she was gone. It moved so fast that I really didn't have time to process all of the emotions that came with it. It wasn't where or why she was moving but the fact that she was. I started this year thinking I had two years before my girl left the nest and within three weeks all that was changed. The next week was hard. I kept waiting to hear her moving around the house. Mike did the best he could to support me through it but he was facing his own issues as he transitioned into his new position and the loads of stress that added.

Things have finally started to slow down, I'm being able to breathe, my hearts mending and I'm learning to embrace having one less person in the house full time.

Now to just keep Hayley here until she's like 30...

That's reasonable right?


No comments:

Post a Comment